The Benevolent Leader (TBL)

I've been developing a routine lately (Pillar 4) of intense contemplation interrupted with bursts of writing activity only periodically interrupted by Life's Other Responsibilities (Pillars I-III) -- parenting 3 daughters, caring for my menagerie, and oh yeah, earning a living to pay the bills and all that other mundane stuff. I'm fully ensconced in the writing of content and the editing of video and the management of the currently 'invitation only' user group for my emerging tome, THE SIX PILLARS OF DOG TRAINING WISDOM and I'm marveling at how the whole process is impacting my own relationships in interesting and great ways.

So a week ago my very nearly 16 year old daughter returned from her week long trip to Southern California. Her hand selected gift for me -- a sign purchased at The San Diego Zoo -- which was placed on my vision board. I meditated on it until suddenly an -- an epiphany.

As I'm putting together the puzzle pieces for creating a formula that's user friendly, workable, measurable and doable, I've been grasping at an overall header to communicate the positive, non force based approach I endorse. Keeping with an effort to remain mnemonic, I have come up with The Benevolent Leader (TBL) versus The Annoying Thing (TAT). Today we'll talk about What Is A Benevolent Leader. More on TAT to follow in a future blog entry!

A Benevolent Leader is one who thinks about what he wants from those under his care, not behaviors she doesn't want. That those behaviors are shaped into the lifestyle of the individual, couple or family and current environment in a mindful, thought out way, even if the acquisition of the dog was impulsive and serendipitous. That the benevolent leader, like the dog, lives in the here and now but unlike the dog, can anticipate the future and prepare for it (Pillar 5).

And above all, The Benevolent Leader uses leadership built on trust and confidence, not betrayal and fear.

National Stress Awareness Month -- No Fooling

There are only twelve months in a year and 365 days in most of them. Assignations for months and days for various interest groups to raise awareness abound. This month is Stress Awareness Month and I phool you not.

I know I have animals around me -- my own pets and an awareness of nature and animals in the world -- because their presence, antics, focus on the things in life that really matter -- reduce my stress. They of course add joy, motivation for exercise, a reason to sweep obsessively and a grounding that keeps me centered.

More often than not the clients I work with are themselves stressed out not just from life but from the dog in their life. Helping clients adjust and tipping the dog's (or cat) presence from a source of stress to a source of stress relief is my main mission in the training/education I provide.

There are various coping mechanisms that go to the root of the problem to help de-stress ourselves. You probably know the ones that work best for you. Whether you choose to medicate to alleviate symptoms, work on modifying your life to reduce stress using methods that resonate for you, or even a combination, many are at a loss for how to help their animals.

In addition to understanding dogs in general and your dog in particular and learning how to become the benevolent leader, there are other resources that might help reduce your dogs stress -- whether it's when you're leaving your dog alone or helping your dog cope with stressors that are in the environment, going holistic is the best way to get at the root cause.

Two proactive ways include the use of appropriate calming music  and Bach Flower Essences. To learn more about becoming the benevolent leader, sign up for upcoming spring puppy kindergarten and puppy next step classes.

Positively Positivist AKA I'm with you Dr. Dunbar

The brain waves that are set to spinning in my head when I put words to paper or electronics in various forms -- blog versus articles versus tweaking drafts of my book-in-progress versus the voluminous emails I generate daily [not to mention the efforts of this middle aged multi tasking mom to twit, use facebook and explore other cutting edge cyberspace warrens vary in style but always stay true to my core sensibilities.

Most hours every day I am actively and passively engrossed in my vocation of sharing a knowledge base, methodology and useful tools with clients who engage my services. Whether private or group classes; companion or working dog -- the intention is to communicate the path towards benevolent leadership.

A person of authority is calm, consistent, firm, confident and compassionate. Professional assistance can quickly and very dramatically change dynamics by developing a proactive approach to the process as opposed to stuck patterns of reactivity.

If you are tentative, hesitant, punitive, or vacillating, these mixed messages create anxiety and you can no longer be trusted to lead. Authority is leadership, not force. Dogs want leadership; dogs naturally gravitate to leaders, even if their past included lots of ambivalence. Leaders can be adults and children; those who seem to know what they're doing. Dogs want someone to guide them while at the same time allow them to make mistakes and learn. A benevolent leader understands that ebb and flow and continues and shows patience and awareness while remaining mindful of safety -- safety of people, safety of other animals, safety of dog and safety of "stuff". Not all are natural born leaders, but motivated people can learn to be great dog owners.

We get bombarded through all forms of media about The Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan (as opposed to The Dog Whisperer Paul Owens). In each episode we see this disclaimer:

A dog training show on TV should scream TRY THIS AT HOME without fear that anyone or anything will get hurt. The positive trainers out there who are more well known than I (better marketing teams; usually no children underfoot!) need to take a stronger more active stance.

Last Sunday, Oct. 11, The Sunday New York Times had a cover article in the business section that inspired me to write an article for examiner.com. Please read it, comment on it, and take action.

I cannot believe how little my dog trainer peers have voiced complaint. How is it a top ranking and very benevolent and prolific guru, Dr. Ian Dunbar, can generate only one poorly worded paragraph on a whole realm of dog training? How is it that Millan charmed the reporter into dismissing positive training in one nonsensical sentence and then continue kvelling about his dominance / submission / exhaustion message being sent to dog owners around the world? I really want to know.

Holistic Options • Bach Flower Essences

Benevolent Leaders employ multiple tactics in their campaigns to win converts. Benevolence begins with awareness. You can't be proactive in approach to things if you're not aware that they're there!

Holistic orientation is an important component in the human • dog relationship -- whatever the function of the dog. It is your role as the human who has brought the dog into your life [and presumably into your home].

Often I am asked about various modalities so I thought since I hadn't done so before, I'd write them here. I'll be covering a wide array but today I'll start with homeopathy and flower essences, specifically Bach Flower Essences.

Essentially if there is a conflict in a relationship, whether between a person and a pet or a parent and a child or a boss and an employee or a customer and a cashier or...you get the idea, conflict suggests imbalance. Imbalance affects your mood and affected moods can effect behavior and certain behaviors dogs do annoy us.

If our being annoyed causes more imbalance because of the stress the dog feels from being a source of disappointment, and dealing with your reactivity, the benefit of a remedy is to balance so stress is reduced and improved relations occur.

This is not like taking an aspirin to eliminate a headache but more like learning how to balance on a a see saw or balance board.Ask yourself what behavior your dog is projecting -- overly confident, very shy, territorial, fearful, possessive, restless, etc., -- and review the recommended essence and the goal for what your pet will tip over towards.

It's important to become more observant about the behaviors your trying to address so you can be more aware of even minute measures of change and to be flexible and patient in your approach. Don't define them as human emotions, just observe actual behaviors -- outward or inward ones.

I can tell you I use rescue remedy myself which is a combination of several essences you can read about on various sites including the ones included previously and here.

If you're anticipating stress (i.e., HOLIDAYS!!!!), Rescue Remedy will help you cope! And deliver a more patient you who can practice The Six Pillars of Dog Training Wisdom and become ever more so the Benevolent Leader.

More holistic thoughts coming soon.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

The ceaseless snow here in my neck of the woods since 2010 rang in 5 days ago is absurd. Thirteen years ago today it was very cold and snowy. Thirteen years ago yesterday, it was balmy and unseasonably warm for January in Cleveland. This is unlike yesterday's weather, in that it was snowy and cold and, did I mention snowy?

How do I know these facts? No, I'm not an idiot savant or weather freak. I just remember that it was 13 years ago today I came home from the hospital having given birth to my second daughter, Callie. The day after she was born we got to know each other a little bit but I couldn't take her outside yet even though there was a freak warm day to savor.

[back when Callie liked hanging with me]

Nostalgia snap!!!

It's official. Now I'm living with TWO teenage daughters. TWO! Very smart ones to boot. I'm outnumbered. And Lily, my stalwart friend, their loyal queen and my right hand bitch for the entire first decade of this 21st century, is now three weeks and one day post diagnosis. She is fading slowly but surely. Hospice care continues. She is mostly resting now, inbetween going out for potty breaks, which fortunately she can still do. She continues to take the medication Theophylline which helps her breath easier and seems to calm her when she gets a gak reaction or loses balance or, as what happened a few days ago, lost control of her hind quarters for about a minute. But mostly the hospice care is just being around. Being a consistent benevolent leader and finding ways to maximize my time at home and briefly, outside with her.

Things I have let go of in the past 2 weeks:

1. Lily will not be able to go on any more walks out and about in the planet. But we had a lot of them. Mostly they were great and I just loved watching her run -- she always reminded me of a young filly when she really let it go. Now I'm just grateful she can still walk up and down the stairs to go both outside and upstairs in my house.

2. No more car rides. Something she really loved, especially the past few months, before I even knew she was ill. And I promised myself if it should come to having to euthanize her, I would figure out how to have it down in my home, not at a vet hospital. So, no more car rides. A bittersweet loss.

But there are many things she still can do and do well. She even hauls up out of her warm crate to greet the kids when they get home from school. I bet she's wishing (like they are) that we get a snow day from all this precipitation.

So my non teenager is off taking a driveway shoveling shift and Trip joins her. A reminder that death is not so much a reason to be sad, but a way to celebrate a life that was and to remember to cherish the life that remains.

On a mission - one client's psychosis

This morning a client has put into words what I imagine some of my clients think as they adjust to a sometimes significant change in their relating with their dogs. Based on a new and better understanding of identifying and then achieving their goals, people are empowered to become benevolent leaders. Watching clients take on and work through their issues and achieving success in a reality based universe is uber cool to me.

The dog in this story is Winnie, a stray who arrived into the life of Jim and Susie during a wicked bad thunderstorm in August of this year. Winnie's peeps run a business with employees working on their first floor the second and third floor of their house is their residence.

Winnie is very sweet but very aloof and cunning and in many ways, shut down, possibly from trauma during her time on the lam.

Here's the report from the Files of Susie: (the words in red are evidence of her psychosis!)

I have been reading, reading, reading. And some training. When I have food treats and the clicker, Winnie does very well with the touch and sit. I have also noticed that she’s going to other rooms to “shut down” less frequently. Another bully stick gone. She likes her beds.

This morning’s dilemma….. Winnie doesn’t want to get out of bed which is typical. I’ve already been up, and went for my 3 mile walk outside. Jim’s been up, showered and gone down to the office. At 6:45 am, I’m back from my walk and need to get the house ready for work and employees. I call up to Winnie on the 3rd floor, she doesn’t come. Rachel would tell me I should have clicker and treat in hand ready to reward good behavior.

I go upstairs to retrieve her, and she gives me her belly (which I rub because she is so damn cute, bad Susie!). Rachel agrees bad Susie. I just rewarded bad behavior in that she got a belly rub for not coming. I nudge her to get out of bed and she follows me with joy in her step.

We go on our walk. Euroleash on my waist connected to her gentle leader easy walk harness. Out the driveway, she stops to smell the skunks living under the front porch. Rachel tells me I could have used the eh-eh which I always forget about, and that I could/should have clicker and treat ready to re-direct and reward good behavior. Ok, I wait, thinking I can’t pull her, and then I get a little irritated when she tries to push her head under the porch so I pull a little (bad Susie!) and she follows me. Rachel tells me to use the eh-eh and that I gave her the privilege of sniffing the skunks and Winnie took that privilege. With a clicker and treat ready, I could have had some tricks up my sleeve to re-direct bad behavior. We go down the driveway, turn right, and Winnie stops on the tree lawn. Kind of freezes, standing position, doesn’t want to go further. I scan for distractions…there are none that I can tell. I wait patiently until no tension on leash. We continue to the next tree lawn, she pees, and then stops/freezes again. I decide to wait patiently again until no tension. It’s a stand-off. Minutes pass, I turn my side….I turn my back….I yawn….I bend at the knees to get to her level….I put my two hands on the ground….lots of calming signals. It’s cold out, I need to get inside to shower, my patience is wearing out. I pick her up, walk a couple tree lawns with her on my side, put her down, thinking I can “re-set” her agenda. I try to start walking, same thing. Again, minutes pass as I try the calming signals again. It doesn’t work. I turn to go home and Winnie leads happily and turns into our driveway.
I’m bothered for two reasons:
1. She didn’t get any exercise
2. She didn’t poop (which she normally does on the morning walk). She’s tethered in our office now, content to sleep away in her bed.
Lot’s to work on, I know. Rachel tells me to head out on my next walk with clicker and treat ready.

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Cesar Millan strikes the Sunday NY Times again

First it was the business section. Now my hallowed Sunday New York Times has gone and sullied the front page of the STYLES section with more of that press that Mr. Milan, he of the Dog Whisperer fame, seems to garner -- this time crediting him with Child Whispering!

To his credit Mr. Milan never does not formally or publicly opine about teaching child rearing -- focusing on his dog training methods of discipline and his trinity of Exercise, Discipline and Affection equals happiness and the gist of the Business Section article a few weeks ago -- keeps him plenty busy.

But he does admit that as a native of Mexico he adheres to a more traditional, hierarchical child-rearing philosophy. He's quoted in the NY Times as saying, "for thousands of years, the elder has always been the pack leader, it's never the child. In America, kids have too many options when they only need one: 'Just do it because.'"

I wholeheartedly agree that there are many parallels to parenting children and dogs but there are also differences -- on so many levels -- starting with a more contemporary awareness of human development than just adhering to thousands of years of the traditional Mexican child rearing approach -- and a more scientifically proven awareness of dog development. This is where to begin to parse out that both young, tween and teenage dogs and people really don't want to be pushed on the neck, sshhhttted at or grounded without electronic privileges.

Children and pups do crave benevolent leadership in their caretakers -- and clear clues on what to do and how to earn rewards. And when it can be learned and applied that either or both journeys can be a sparkly one.

I navigate between the flotsam and jetsam of 3 active daughters, 3 dogs and 3 cats. Every day I get to fulfill my bliss helping others learn how to navigate their own course in pet training. There is a chaotic but lilting harmony enhanced by the need to frequently wrangle dust bunnies that illustrates just how satisfying my own journey has been and continues to be. And while I could sure use some better discipline about getting more exercise, here at Camp A Better Pet we all get and give lots of affection.